I am a Parent No. 1

I am a Parent is a personal collection of anecdotes, observations, and hard truths.

Peeing on a stick is hard.

No one ever tells you this. I guess it’s supposed to be common knowledge. Just like how if you touch a hot stove you can burn your finger or that Lin-Manuel Miranda is a genius. Common knowledge.

You have to make sure that you don’t drop the stick in the toilet because pregnancy tests aren’t cheap. You have to aim just so and try to not get any drops on your hand.

Then you have to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Those two minutes are incredibly nerve wracking.

Your mind wanders.

Oh my goodness. I could have a human growing inside me. This is gonna be amazing. I love babies. They’re soooo cute. Little fingers, little toes. Plus they have ridiculously cute clothes.

Wait.

Holy shit.

I could have a human growing inside me.

I’m gonna have to take care of another person. Like feed it and wipe its butt and teach it stuff. How am I going to do that? I am not ready for this. At all. I’m still figuring out how to be an adult.

Time’s up.

One line or two?

Was it a false alarm?

*deep breath*

Oh fuck.

Photo by Arbine Villanueva-Hoapili

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